Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Why did you not tell me??

You'll all notice that in the last week or so, I have updated my links to let you visit other blogs that I like. What you won't notice, is that I've put a counter on my page. And you won't notice it because it's invisible. No, I don't think we all need to wear aluminium foil hats to stop the aliens reading our minds - the counter really is invisible. And, I have to say, I am completely in love with the counter (is there a proper geeky name I should be calling it or is just "counter" ok?).

I can log in and check all my statistics - and you guys don't even know that I have them (cue evil-laugh and that evil finger tapping thing (does it have a name?). It's like Geek-Voyeurism meets Big Brother. Honestly, why has no one told me how good it is? I even get a little map of the world with a red dot on it in case I can't work out where New York or Finland is.

Unfortunately I don't have anything in the key word analysis that is terribly interesting yet. Well, except for the person from Mackay in Queensland who was trying to find out if Bronski and Bernstein were a gay couple. It's nice to know that I'm not the only person on earth who watches it.

In case you're curious - www.statcounter.com - big thanks go to CK at The Fount for beginning my trip to Geekdom.

Monday, June 27, 2005

"Audio-books - the Downfall" or "The Icky Feeling in my Tummy"

Ok - you know how I am always talking about how good audio-books are? Yeah, well, I've found out something bad about them. When you are reading a book, you can skip over any parts that are boring or uninteresting - when you've got an audio-book - you can't really do that. Sure, you can skip forward but you don't know how long the boring bit goes for and it's probably not a good idea to try this while driving.

So I'm currently listening to Portrait in Sepia by Isabel Allende. Sounds innocent you think - kinda trashy, but the equivalent of easy reading (I'd say easy listening but then you'd think I was talking about Celine Dion). Anyway, there I was driving along - innocently listening - and now I know how to perform a leg amputation in a field hospital without anaesthetic. EWWWWWWWWWW. Seriously - in detail here people. I started to feel a bit queasy. Yick. So there you have it.

Friday, June 24, 2005

I'll let you be the judge

So now you can decide for yourself which is the sexy one (no - now I'm being sarcastic).

So here is a picture of the boys. See, that's Bernstein (the rich, impulsive one) at the front looking smug and Bronski (the serious, working class one) at the back wearing his brooding face.

 Posted by Hello

Bronski and Bernstein - Special Double Header - Ep. 3 and 4

My astute readers will have noticed that there was no review for last weeks episode of Bronski and Bernstein. Why? Because I didn't write one. But don't panic, you didn't miss much.

Last weeks episode in a nutshell - Inspector Micklitz assigns the boys to stakeout a corrupt prison warder who is suspected of murdering this other guy (one of his prisoners). This other guy (the dead one) was in jail for doing a $2 million robbery - and the cash has never been found. The Lovely Lene (blond cop from another section - and nowhere near as trashy as is the usual) makes a move on Bronski and they make plans to meet for dinner. But the dinner doesn't fit in with the stakeout so Bronski leaves Bernstein in charge and rushes off for his clandestine dinner date (even though it is broad daylight). Unfortunately they have chosen (in true tv style) the same restaurant as Inspector Micklitz who is romancing the Forensic Pathologist from the morgue. Bernstein goes to rescue Bronski from discovery (and leaving a journalist to do the stakeout) in the restaurant and they have to make their escape in a little boat. Ho hum. Anyway, eventually they find out that the dead guys girlfriend works for a funeral service and they deduce that the money is hidden in a coffin. Cue middle of the night with torches and shovels and last minute chase of suspects scene in cemetery.

Last nights episode was much more entertaining. We find the boys in disgrace and working in archives. The Lovely Lene is trying to catch a flasher, and recruits Bronski and Bernstein to be her body guards. Of course, while waiting for the flasher to arrive and partake in flashing, they stumple into a blackmail scheme complete with fake banknotes. The blackmailer gets shot under the bridge by the blackmailee and as the blackmailee flees the scene, he shoots at Bernstein. Bernstein shoots him in the knee and disables him. Somehow, the blackmailee retains the wit to gather up the shells and throw them, with the gun, in the river (note to self - if ever find self shooting at police - this is a good plan to avoid charges).

So we have the reckless and impulsive, not to mention sexy, Bernstein accused of shooting an unarmed man who happens to be some important guy (I couldn't figure out who he was meant to be - the subtitles were a little vague) with gun he "borrowed" from his dad (remember his dad is the Police Commissioner). Honestly, the plot holes are big enough to drive through in this episode (note to self - don't ever get involved in a crime in Hamburg - not even as an innocent bystander).

So Bernstein needs to prove his innocence and proceeds back to the scene of the crime and duck dives in the river trying to locate the missing gun. With much hilarity, Miss Keil (the secretary at headquarters) gets a call from the Park Keeper and Bronski is sent to retrieve Bernstein from the river. As you would suspect, Bernstein stays underwater for long enough for Bronski to panic and jump in the drink to save him. Anyway, they uncover the blackmail plan (apparently, the guy Bernstein shot is gay but is trying to hide it as he is a really important guy - Director of something or the other). Of course the episode ends with the boys being shouted at by an irate Inspector Micklitz and driving off in the porshe.

As I forced Hansomest to watch the show with me, I feel duty bound to report that he didn't find Bernstein particular sexy, even though he is impulsive (Bernstein that is, not Handsomest). He felt it necessary that I point out, that while Bernstein has nice suits (although a bit 80's for my liking) and suave hair (not to mention the porshe), Bronski is competings strongly for the position of the sexy one. Apparently the rumpled blond hair, the old jeans and the leather jacket are just the ticket in Hamburg.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

The Sisters of Perpetual Education

I have finally submitted my final assessment for this semester and Uni is over (well, at least until July/August when the grind recommences). See how I use words like grind to describe my life at uni, when in reality, grind is possibly the least suitable adjective I could find (my legal team have just advised me that I mean metaphor - "it's a metaphor Laziest", they said, "a metaphor not an adjective". Thanks guys.). I mean, I really don't do a great deal. I write my essays the weekend before they are due. I fabricate half my footnotes. I don't put in any more effort than is required to get a five. But enough of this pointless babble. On to more important things.

I emailed the Arts Faculty last week for a "Graduation Check" (which is where someone with an Arts Degree looks at your academic record and checks that you are due to graduate when expected - because, Lord knows, the Arts students can't be trusted to work it out for themselves. Actually, that's true. Venerable thought he had to do a subject summer semester last year to graduate - and he didn't, he was ok to graduate in November). But back to the facts as we know them. Providing I pass two subjects this semester and pass two subjects next semester, I will graduate in November.

I'm sure that prospective employers will be positively falling over each other to offer me jet-setting jobs with huge financial benefits. Or maybe not. So, I guess I'll be starting a post-grad certificate in February as planned. Am I an honourary Sister of Perpetual Education yet?

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Curse you L ... or the book meme from hell

From (Evil) L, over at Random_Speak:

How many books have you owned?

Don't know for certain - maybe 600 or so. I've always been big on libraries and low on cash. But if I read a book I really love, I will buy it to keep then read it over and over and over. And now that I work at a library - I can request as many books as I like!

What was the last book you bought?

Hard to know, I tend to smuggle them into the house so Handsomest doesn't see them and say things like "more damn books?":
1. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime (for Book Group)
2. The Secret History by Donna Tartt (this is my third copy as I keep giving them to friends)
3. A miscellaneous bunch of trashy novels from the bargain bin (5 for $20 - because you can sometimes find a jewel among them)
4. Water Touching Stone by Eliot Pattison
5. Vanishing Acts by Jodi Piccoult (to read at the hairdresers)

What was the last book you read?

I tend to read about three at once - but the last two weeks (and this is a true list - no fibbing now):
1. Burglar on the Prowl by Lawrence Block
2. Jeeves and Wooster : Omnibus by P. G. Wodehouse
3. Road to Wellville by T. Coraghessan Boyle
4. Insatiable disire of injured love by Arthur Gask (an audiobook)
5. Memoirs by David Attenborough (another audiobook)
6. I'm not scared by Niccolo Ammaniti

What are five books that have meant a lot to you?

Difficult. The first five that spring to mind (that I've read multiple times):
1. The Secret History by Donna Tartt
2. American Gods by Neil Gaiman
3. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson
4. My Family and Other Animals by Gerald Durrell
5. Perfume by Patrick Suskind
6. I, Claudius by Robert Graves

CK over at The Fount of Useless Information (because I can)
Blandy over at Get On the Blandwagon (because Bland is good)
Granola Girl (because I'm interested to know)

Saturday, June 18, 2005

why are Saturdays so hard sometimes? a whingy post

Tonight we are going to the new residence of Venerable and Weatherboi to celebrate the latters birthday. As you would guess, an appropriate token of our esteem needs to be located. So I email Ven and ask him what Weatherboi would like for his birthday. Apparently he would like a 'ho.

While my mind is reeling with the logistics of purchasing a prostitute for Weatherboi (don't you just hire them usually, how the hell do you buy one to keep???), Ven clarifies that he means a garden hoe. Ok, this sounds simple enough -Handsomest is the repository of all garden related nonsense at Casa LG so I didn't panic - I could rely on him to acquire the appropriate implement. Of course I then remember that Handsomest has to work on this particular Saturday.

So, come Saturday morning, off I go to the third level of hell, commonly known to most mortals as Bunnings. And it was hideous. Firstly, I had to get out of bed. And it was fecking freezing. Then I had to make my own cup of tea. Honestly, what is the world coming to? Anyway, I toyed with the idea of wearing my pajamas there, but in the end realised that while bed hair is good look, bed wear isn't. So I got dressed and traipsed off to Bunnings. And Saturday mornings at Bunnings are bad. Really bad. There are, like, loads of people there wearing paint-smeared stonewash jeans and too tight t-shirts. I can tell you that the whole place was an affront to my delicate sensibilities. But I steeled myself and entered.

I found the right aisle (eventually) and there, right between the shovels and the rakes were the garden hoes. A positively bewildering arrangement of them - a swan-neck hoe, a dutch hoe, a double hoe, a combination hoe and rake, one with a foamy grip bit on the handle, one in green, one in a mottled silver, an upside down one that you push instead of pulling. I placed an emergency call to Ven, but he was about as much help as a cart load of monkeys, so I had to make a decision on my own, with no backup, and worse still, no one to blame if it turned out to be the wrong type of hoe. So I purchased the most expensive one (it has to the better one, doesn't it?) and eventually found my car and drove home with the hoe rattling around in the back.

I also promised Ven that I would bring some home-made hommus with us. But with Handsomest working, it was up to me to make it. Now I'm not a bad cook, but Handsomest does do most (ok, all) of the cooking and he has made this hommus many times and it's not that hard. Basically you stick everything in the food processor and press go. So I carefully measure out all the ingredients (which took a lot of control - I so wanted to just tip things in and guesstimate the quantities) and loaded them into the food processor. I am one tablespoon short of tahini, so I drive to the shop to buy a jar. Of course I can't find it and in the end I have to ask a dorky looking 12 year old (where are they hiring these kids from - "Stereo-types R Us Employment Agencies"??) if he knows where the tahini is. So he looks at me like I am deranged and says he has never heard of tahnini and he doesn't think they have it. Of course they fecking have it, Handsomest buys it all the time. I explain that it is a paste made of squished sesame seeds and that I'm sure they do have it. So he asks his 17 year old boss. Finally they locate a jar and I head home to finish making the hommus.

I put the extra tahini in the food processor, put the lid on and turn it on. Nothing. So I move the plug to the next socket and try again. Nada. I take the lid off, I put the lid back on. Still nothing. After five minutes of fecking about, I cave in and ring Handsomest at work. He gives me detailed instructions over the phone and now I can't even get the damn lid on. Finally I figure out that the whirly blade bit isn't pushed down far enough and now the lid fits properly, and the machine whirrs to life.

So the hommus is now made and in the fridge. The hoe has a ribbon around it and the card is written. But please don't leave me to my own devices on a Saturday again - it's bad for my self-esteem.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Clumsiest Girl

Have you ever wondered who those people are that miss the money catching things or drop their money at the automatic toll gates? Well, it's nice to meet you, I'm Laziest Girl.

That's right, peak hour traffic on the way home from the airport (dropping off the Vice-President of Logic), I stopped the car at the automatic toll both, idly thinking about nothing in particular. I had my $2.20 ready, I opened the window and lifted my hand to throw the money in the catching thing. As I put my hand out the window, the coins clipped the edge of the door and I dropped the $2 coin. Fuck. So I opened the door and leaned out, trying to see where the coin dropped but I couldn't see it. Fuck fuck. I didn't know whether to get out of the car or not, but just as I was dithering, the toll man noticed the traffic backing up halfway up the damn bridge and came over - "What's the problem love?". I must have looked truly pathetic when I said that I had dropped my $2, because he took my 20 cent piece and opened the boom gate.

And then, when I drove through (after trying to accelerate while the handbrake was on), I didn't pull the door shut properly so I spent the next 20 minutes of the drive fearing the door was going to fly open and suck me out, sending me spiraling to my doom on the median strip.

Monday, June 13, 2005

Bronski and Bernstein - ep 2.

I watched the second episode of Bronski and Bernstein last week and I'm still reeling. Just to recap (from the SBS program guide) - this new series features a mis-matched duo of homicide detectives in Hamburg, Germany. The dependable Wolfgang Bronski has been working for the Homicide Squad in Hamburg for two years and gets on well with his boss, Chief Inspector Theo Micklitz. However, things change dramatically when he is assigned Guido Bernstein, the son of the police commissioner and a law-school drop-out, as his new partner. Bernstein is ambitious, handsome, impulsive and breaks all the rules.

In this episode I got a bit confused. Someone finds a dead waitress at a nightclub, "The Jolep", and the boys are called in to investigate. We find the boys at the firing range with Bernstein trying to impress Bronski with his gun-related prowess. For some indiscernible reason, Bernstein (the sexy, impulsive one) removes his safety ear muff things and puts them on his leg. Not just on his leg, but wedged high up on his thigh, scarily close to his groin. I really have no idea why this is a prerequisite for gun practice if you are the sexy impulsive one, but there you have it. Predictably, the noise of the gun means that he is partially deaf for most of the episode. Of course they are called in by the Chief Inspector for a briefing but Bernstein can't hear what is going on, etc.

Anyway, they are sent to the home of another waitress from the club (who is the last person to the see the corpse alive (well, when the corpse was still waitress number one)) to bring her in for questioning. As if fearing that the previous episode, with its scenes of half naked Bronski and Bernstein, may have disturbed the viewer, we are treated to scenes of the half-naked witness/waitress number two getting dressed. Apparently the lure of a half-naked slapper is just too much for the red-blooded and hetero-life mates, Bronski and Bernstein, and they spend valuable time being seduced by her beauty, and watching her dress via a handily arranged mirror.

Meanwhile, one of their co-worker cops (the clumsy, nerdy one with a thing for cacti) is sent to fetch another club employee (the bouncer I think) for questioning and he quickly turns out to be suspect number one. But the plot pauses for no man and we rush on to discover that it is all about drugs and money and that the bouncer guy is a victim in the half-naked witness/waitress number two/slappers plan for world domination. I forget how, but the half-naked witness/waitress number two/slapper soon pulls a gun on our hapless heroes. Entranced by her skimpy workout attire (although why you would be working out, when the police are in your flat about to tumble your carefully constructed plan for illegal wealth, is beyond me) they are forced, at gun point, to strip to their boxers and then hand cuffed together in the shower of the witness/waitress number two/slappers bathroom. The comic value of this scene is enhanced by their bickering over who's fault it is that they are hand cuffed half-naked to the shower.

Frankly, if I was entertaining fantasies of having two half naked men handcuffed together in a shower cubicle, I don't think I'd pick these two. But then I do have suburban ways.

So they escape the shower scene and evolve a plan to catch the witness/waitress number two/slapper in the act of handing over the drugs and the money etc. But they have to get into the club un-noticed. Luckily it is Masquerade night at "The Jolep" - which, it appears is not actually a strip joint, but a decent, law-abiding club for moderate drinking and appropriate dancing. So Bronski dresses in borrowed/stolen/"but I thought it was being dry cleaned" naval uniform complete with aviator sunglasses and false moustache. Predictably Bernstein wears a dress which draws admiring looks from all the men in the club. In the meantime, the boss has decided to raid the club and arrest everyone.

So it all ends happily ever after with our heroes trying to avoid arrest by their boss (and him catching them in fancy dress) yada yada yada. Of course there is a journalist lurking outside and before you can say "how much for a good, hard shag", the sailor and his lady are all over the front page making their boss a laughing stock. Much shouting ensues and then our lovely couple drive off in the porshe until next week.

so I do exist (and it is all about me)

A friend of ours, who shall be called the Vice-President of Logic (for the obvious reasons), is currently staying at Casa LG while visiting from Melbourne. He used to work with Handsomest (at the EvilOilCorporation) but relocated to Melbourne about 18 months ago. Anyway, the Vice-President of Logic has reached an age worthy of significant acknowledgement, and last night we went to a BBQ with some of his other Brisbane friends. Pleiades Girl was there with MQ and a bunch of other people that I know only slightly.

Anyway, I met this guy (Kiwi-Rock-Guru (sorry, as in rock music not geology)) who used to do a radio show with the V-P of Logic. I've met him a couple of times before, but I haven't really ever spoken to him. Turns out that not only did he grow up within 5 kms of where I was born (Aucklands North Shore), and not only does he know my Uncle's rally car driving brothers in NZ, but he also used to work and DJ at a Goth club that I used to sneak into when I was underage here in BrisVegas.

And this, my friends, is why the world is a scary place. It does not even have the common decency to at least give me six degrees of separation - no, no, no. It just comes right out with it and sledge hammers me with this.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

A gift - not quite frankincense, but I'd probably be allergic anyway.

I came home from work yesterday to discover that Handsomest had bought me a gift. He had bought me a Buddy Christ. Not only does it have visible stimatas on the inside and outside of the wrists, but, and best of all, the head bobbles up and down.

So it is now residing in place of honour on my printer next to the computer. When I type fast, it moves the desk just enough so that Buddy Christ gently nods at me. It's very reassuring.

Buddy Christ

Cardinel Glick - "Christ didn't come to Earth to give us the willies - he came to help us out".
 Posted by Hello

Monday, June 06, 2005

Rules for living - by the Laziest Girl

1. When you watch an english language dvd - the english subtitles must always be turned on. This way the Laziest Girls doesn't have to bother listening to the dialogue - she can just read it.

2. When you eat dinner, where ever you might be (eg. an elderly relatives), the cutlery must always be arranged so that the Laziest Girl has a matching set or she cannot eat her dinner.

3. When hanging out the washing, the pegs on an item of clothing must be of the same colour ie. two blue pegs on a shirt, or terrible things will happen.

4. If you use the toaster before the Laziest Girl, you may not adjust the browness setting on said toaster, even if your toast catches fire. It will be necessary to watch it until it begins to smoke, at which point you may pop it up.

5. If you choose to talk about the Da Vinci Code, don't expect the Laziest Girl to reply politely.

6. You can never put rice and potatoes on the same plate, or terrible things will happen.

7. If the Laziest Girl says a book is crap - believe her - she has read more books than you.

8. If you are going out in public with the Laziest Girl, you may never wear a black belt with brown shoes. You will be sent home to change.

9. If the Laziest Girl says that the singer in a band vaguely resembles Kevin Bacon, then vaguely is the operative word.

10. If shoes are left where they are taken off (be that under the coffee table, in the bathroom, under the desk, in the hallway) is not annoying, it is post modern.

two word description?

You know, I like to think of myself as charming and dissolute, but, in reality, I think that I'm more likely to be described as talkative and annoying.

the doppelganger

What do you think it would be like to meet yourself? I mean, not just someone like you, but you yourself? Would it be like on Red Dwarf when the computer generates another hologram of Rimmer and they share a bed room. At first they get on really great, but then they start to push each others buttons and they start arguing. By the end they are trying to manipulate each other and one of them gets turned off.

I think it would be fun. At least for the first round of drinks and then you realise that you never take your turn to shout the drinks. It would be even worse if you went out for dinner. If you ever have the pleasure of eating out with me, everyone at the table has to order something different (it's one of the rules) - but this wouldn't work because both of me would want the salmon. And there would be the perenial argument over who chose the last bottle of wine so who gets to choose the next one.

Imagine all your bad habits multiplied by two. Even your charming and amusing habits would become annoying when doubled. And, Christ, you'd never get a word in edgewise if there were two of me. And every story would be told at least 5 times each - in the words of Morrissey - stop me if you think that you've heard this one before. And no-one else would ever get to use the bathroom. God, and what if I had a bad hair day and the other me didn't? Could I cope or would I sabotage my own hair while I was asleep?

I'd eat the last of the biscuits and have no-one to blame but myself. But gift buying would be easy - I'd know exactly what I'd like for my birthday. And I'd amuse myself no end. Still, I do that anyway.

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Question 8: How did Buddhism come to China and what where the circumstances it had to face? What schools of Buddhism flourished in China? (600 words)

Buddhism was taken to China by Buddhist silk merchants who traded along the Silk Road which ran from north-west India to China from the second century BC. These Indian traders were often accompanied by Buddhist monks who helped spread the religion. Unlike other parts of Asia, China already had an ancient literary culture in Confucianism and Taoism. Confucianism stressed the importance of the family, respect for parents and ancestors and harmony in social relationships. Taoism was about acting naturally, effortlessly and spontaneously and, like Confucianism, sought harmony. But Taoism differed from Confucianism in that it didn’t share the same formality and structure that was such a crucial part of Confucianism. By the first century AD, both Mahayana and Sarvastivada Buddhism were the prevalent forms of Buddhism.

In Buddhism, monasticism is of great importance and this requirement for celibacy clashed with the Chinese ideal of continuing the family line (which allowed the continuation of worship to the ancestors) and living a life bound to the home and family. Chinese society also saw a productive life as essential and a monk surviving on charity alone was viewed as being a financial drain on society. Confucianism was a rationalistic system and did not agree with the Buddhist ideas on rebirth, not killing animals or even karma. Confucianists believed that the individual’s fate depended on the will of Heaven not on the individual’s actions or karma. Another major difficulty was the matter of social hierarchy and class difference which, while crucial in Confucianism, were considered unimportant in Buddhist thought.

Although Buddhism faced many differences with existing religio-philosophical systems in China, when the Han dynasty faltered and began to break down, there was considerable uncertainty about the effectiveness of the Confucianist value system. Because Buddhism had both a philosophy (as did Tao) and an ethic (as did Confucianism), it was able to fill the void left by the collapse of the Han dynasty. Buddhism became popular partly because it considered that all people possessed the Buddha-nature and were worthy of compassion. This idea was quite new to a society that saw the nobly born as being specially chosen. Most importantly though, Buddhism was a tolerant faith and adapted itself to what China needed. The Sangha itself began to function as a family with dead Abbots worshipped as the Sanghas ancestors, and the monks were expected to respect their teachers as they would their parents.

After the fifth century, different schools of Buddhist thought had begun to emerge and were know as tsung (or clans). Three of these schools, the San-lun (or Three Treatise) school, the Fa-hsiang (or Characteristics of Dharmas) school and the Zhen Yan (Chen Yen) school were imported straight from India. Two schools that originated in China, the T’ien-t’ai school (named after Mount “Heavenly Terrace”) and the Hua-yen school, strived to be all-inclusive and emphasised the importance of much study and range of practices. But some schools focussed their energy on a small range of texts and practices and influenced later schools that developed. The two most successful practice-orientated schools were the Ch’ing-t’u (or Pure Land) school and the Ch’an (or Mediation) school.

The Pure Land school went onto to become a popular form of Buddhism, particularly with the laity, in China. The school was started by a former Taoist, Hui-yuan, in the early fifth century and he was regarded as the schools first patriarch. There were two more eventual patriarchs but by the ninth century it was popular enough on its own. The Ch’an school eventually became most popular with scholars, intellectuals and artists. The Ch’an school emphasised the importance of mediation as the method for attaining enlightenment and the idea that insight can be transmitted by mind-to-mind transmission from teacher to student.

Friday, June 03, 2005

Inspector Rex vs. Bronksi and Bernstein

Taking a tip from CK (http://thefount.blogspot.com/2005/05/speaking-of-being-stuck-at-sea.html#comments), I wanted to talk to you about tv. While I don't watch a lot of tv, I am passionately addicted to two shows (well, three if I'm not too tired) - they are MythBusters, John Safran Vs. God (if I'm still awake) and Inspector Rex.

Because Inspector Rex is on a Thursday night, and this is Friday, I though I'd tell you about Inspector Rex. This is a cop show set in Vienna and the main detective guy (Moser) has a police dog called Rex. It's in German and comes complete with subtitles. Together they solve complicated homicides and Rex always saves the day. The women in the show are usually trashy-looking blondes and the men all resemble Russian mafia bosses. The show is essentially a family viewing show, but sometimes it gets a bit violent. One episode was about a guy who murders old ladies and they showed the guy bludgeoning the old lady to death and then dragging her across the floor and shoving her in a cardboard box. I thought it was pretty graphic for a family show. Anyway, last night I was disappointed because my brillian blogging plan had gone astray. Inspector Rex has finished for the season.

However, Inspector Rex has been replaced by Bronski and Bernstein, another subtitled cop show but filmed in Hamburg. Needless to say, they don't have dog to help solve the crime. The premise is that the dependable detective Wolfgang Bronski is partnered up with the son of the Police Commissioner, the spoiled law school-dropout, Guido Bernstein who wants to work as a dectective (against his fathers wishes). Of course the boss is a cranky guy who brooks no lip or misbehaviour and has a brand new BMW.

So you can see where this is going. It's a bit like 21 Jump Street but not as cool. But the thing that was strangest was that they had been up most of the night chasing down leads and questioning prositutes (Olga the Volga - is this a joke that I missed - I mean, I get Olga the Vulgar but how would a non-english speaking audience get that as a joke??). So, anyway, Bernstein tells Bronski that he might as well spend the night at his uber-cool (or just a bit odd-looking) apartment and they'll get up early to catch the murderer. So, they pull the cushions off the couch and it cuts to morning.

Bronski (the hardworking serious one) is lying on the couch covered to the waist with a blanket. Bronstein (the handsome rich and implusive one) is lying on the floor in much the same position. Off course they have both stripped down to their shorts and are exposing as much muscular upper body as possible in the timeslot. From the angle of the camera, it looks like they are sleeping side by side. Hey, and I'm ok with that, but homo-erotic semi-nudity was not what I was expecting. My thoughts were racing - had I missed the clues that they were gay and interested in more than just a regular workmate relationship?

I was then distracted from the show by the arrival of a cup of tea (thank you Handsomest) so when I look at the tv again, they are both running in circles trying to get dressed. Lucky for Bronski, Bernstein offers him the use of spare airline toiletries located in the bathroon. So Bronski wanders into the bathroom and interupts a man and a woman in the bath. Apparently this is Bernstein's girlfriend, Carola, and her agent and Bernstein doesn't mind a bit that they are both obsessed with personal hygiene.

Anyway, it turns out that they are not German tv's new realistic gay couple (a la Will and Grace) and they go off and solve the crime which involved snake venom smuggling of all things. Having deflowered the bosses new car, concealed a corpse in the boot, and solved the crime, they are bawled out by the cranky boss. The show ends with Bronski being coerced into jumping to Bernsteins Porshe (which is actually belongs to his girlfriend - the very clean Carola) and driving off into the sunset.

Ok, so it's not brilliant tv drama (or comedy) but I think I could get attached to it.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

what's your preference

I have a theory that people who enjoy peppermint flavoured chocolate, don't enjoy eating orange flavoured chocolate. So far all my research supports this.

Ok, so I've only asked 4 people.

Personally, I believe that peppermint mixed with chocolate is an abomination of nature.

Morons - by phone (the very worst kind)

During the week, I get quite a few calls from people wanting to know about dog obedience. Most of them are quite nice and are eager to find out about where they can train their dog.

But some of them are morons. I had a phone call from a lady with a Rottweiler who wanted to know where we did our training etc. I gave her all the info she needed and then she asked if training would help correct other naughty behaviour.

Frankly, this kind of comment always sets the alarm bells ringing. So I asked what behaviour specifically she was trying to correct. Apparently the dog barks all day, pulls the washing off the clothes line and chews everything to pieces. Ok, I say, does the dog get enough exercise?

It turns out that the poor creature is locked in a courtyard all day and doesn't get any walks. No wonder it is acting out its frustrations. Some people make me sick.