Monday, June 13, 2005

Bronski and Bernstein - ep 2.

I watched the second episode of Bronski and Bernstein last week and I'm still reeling. Just to recap (from the SBS program guide) - this new series features a mis-matched duo of homicide detectives in Hamburg, Germany. The dependable Wolfgang Bronski has been working for the Homicide Squad in Hamburg for two years and gets on well with his boss, Chief Inspector Theo Micklitz. However, things change dramatically when he is assigned Guido Bernstein, the son of the police commissioner and a law-school drop-out, as his new partner. Bernstein is ambitious, handsome, impulsive and breaks all the rules.

In this episode I got a bit confused. Someone finds a dead waitress at a nightclub, "The Jolep", and the boys are called in to investigate. We find the boys at the firing range with Bernstein trying to impress Bronski with his gun-related prowess. For some indiscernible reason, Bernstein (the sexy, impulsive one) removes his safety ear muff things and puts them on his leg. Not just on his leg, but wedged high up on his thigh, scarily close to his groin. I really have no idea why this is a prerequisite for gun practice if you are the sexy impulsive one, but there you have it. Predictably, the noise of the gun means that he is partially deaf for most of the episode. Of course they are called in by the Chief Inspector for a briefing but Bernstein can't hear what is going on, etc.

Anyway, they are sent to the home of another waitress from the club (who is the last person to the see the corpse alive (well, when the corpse was still waitress number one)) to bring her in for questioning. As if fearing that the previous episode, with its scenes of half naked Bronski and Bernstein, may have disturbed the viewer, we are treated to scenes of the half-naked witness/waitress number two getting dressed. Apparently the lure of a half-naked slapper is just too much for the red-blooded and hetero-life mates, Bronski and Bernstein, and they spend valuable time being seduced by her beauty, and watching her dress via a handily arranged mirror.

Meanwhile, one of their co-worker cops (the clumsy, nerdy one with a thing for cacti) is sent to fetch another club employee (the bouncer I think) for questioning and he quickly turns out to be suspect number one. But the plot pauses for no man and we rush on to discover that it is all about drugs and money and that the bouncer guy is a victim in the half-naked witness/waitress number two/slappers plan for world domination. I forget how, but the half-naked witness/waitress number two/slapper soon pulls a gun on our hapless heroes. Entranced by her skimpy workout attire (although why you would be working out, when the police are in your flat about to tumble your carefully constructed plan for illegal wealth, is beyond me) they are forced, at gun point, to strip to their boxers and then hand cuffed together in the shower of the witness/waitress number two/slappers bathroom. The comic value of this scene is enhanced by their bickering over who's fault it is that they are hand cuffed half-naked to the shower.

Frankly, if I was entertaining fantasies of having two half naked men handcuffed together in a shower cubicle, I don't think I'd pick these two. But then I do have suburban ways.

So they escape the shower scene and evolve a plan to catch the witness/waitress number two/slapper in the act of handing over the drugs and the money etc. But they have to get into the club un-noticed. Luckily it is Masquerade night at "The Jolep" - which, it appears is not actually a strip joint, but a decent, law-abiding club for moderate drinking and appropriate dancing. So Bronski dresses in borrowed/stolen/"but I thought it was being dry cleaned" naval uniform complete with aviator sunglasses and false moustache. Predictably Bernstein wears a dress which draws admiring looks from all the men in the club. In the meantime, the boss has decided to raid the club and arrest everyone.

So it all ends happily ever after with our heroes trying to avoid arrest by their boss (and him catching them in fancy dress) yada yada yada. Of course there is a journalist lurking outside and before you can say "how much for a good, hard shag", the sailor and his lady are all over the front page making their boss a laughing stock. Much shouting ensues and then our lovely couple drive off in the porshe until next week.

7 Comments:

Blogger Craig said...

Why is it the rebellious, break all the rules guy is always the handsome one? Wouldn't you think that eventually, there would be an ugly rebellious cop who isn't always getting laid?

9:08 am  
Blogger Craig said...

Oh! I just noticed "hetero-life mates." You've got a whole Dogma theme going on here recently, don't you?

9:09 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i also saw this ep and loved it
twasfunny
I love Bronski and Bernstein
talk about cuties
they're gorgeous
i missed tonight studying
devestated

8:55 pm  
Anonymous john winston howard said...

i saw the episode. i thought the half naked waitress was pretty hot. the cool thing was i got 2 see her breasts and they were jiggling and the tits were a baby pink colour. the breasts were slightly separated and looked magnetic. i taped the episode and kept on rewinding to the breast bit. she is hot!

7:50 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

boy at the moment i saw the waitresse's naked boobs i masturbated. they were juggling everywhere.

7:53 pm  
Anonymous peter costello said...

man the boobs of the waitress were hot. she was sexy . i wish bernstein had sex with her. even better i wish they had a 3some. btw, i am now a porn star and the prime minister sux balls.

7:55 pm  
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