Anything scary is very scary.

I remember when I was about 15, we used to watch all of the most scary videos from the video shop (hear that kids, we didn't have DVD's in my day, we used to have to go to the video shop). Our favourites were the Nightmare on Elm Street films - we must have watched them about fifty times.

So why is it that I am now completely unable to watch anything scary? I tried to watch "I know what you did last summer" and didn't even get past the first five minutes. Same with Blade. If anything, my tolerance is decreasing. The scariest movie that I have watched in the last five years would be Identity with John Cusack. I even had to close my eyes in Harry Potter (when the spiders were chasing the car). How pathetic is that.

do you sup from the cathode nipple?

Please read this article.

http://www.thenewatlantis.com/archive/7/rosen.htm

I have no more to say.

Dan Brown and Byrce Courtney don't count

I know I have already raved (at length) at about Dan Brown but honestly, the man has a lot to answer for. This very morning I have had to endure a ten minute Dan Brown love-fest between to work colleagues. Once again people - "IT'S FICTION - IT'S NOT REAL".

And if that wasn't bad enough, it continuted when one of them assured me that she loves reading and reads all the time. Her favourite author is Bryce Courtney. My god. Kill me now.

Sure, read all the complete and utter crap that you want, but don't ever, and I mean ever, try to tell me the Bryce Courtney counts as literature or I will pop your eyeball right out of your head with my thumb.

Messiah Complex

I wanted to tell you about my cat - the one with the Messiah Complex. His name is Fiver (read Watership Down if you don't get this) and he is an Abyssinian cross with a startling resemblence to James Dean.

One night we arrived home late and as we turned into the driveway, the headlights swept across the front of the house illuminating the lounge room. Fiver was standing up on his back legs on the inside window ledge with his front legs extended to either side with his claws hooked into the screen. Honestly, all he needed was a crown of thorns.

Kinky - you're my hero

I'm not ususally a big one for politics, news or even current events but I came across this and I'm very excited.

http://au.news.yahoo.com/050118/11/sn6q.html

I just love Kinky. If only I lived in Texas - then I could vote for him. Better yet, if only Kinky would move to Australia - then I would vote for him.

If you have never read a Kinky Friedman book - "Elvis, Jesus & Coca-Cola" is a good place to start.

The Year of Living Dangeourously

I just finished reading "The Year of Living Dangerously" by Christopher Koch and I have to say, I didn't love it. In fact, I've been dragging my arse since before Christmas. I loved the character of Billy but it was a bit of a tepid story all in all. I mean, Jill gets pregnant and decides to have an abortion in Singapore - Hamilton, upon nearly losing her (and the baby), realises that he loves her. For pete's sake, is Koch saying that if Jill wasn't pregnant, Hamilton would not have been concerned?? It just seemed a little contrived to me.

Misc.

I went to see The Motorcycle Diaries the other day and I really enjoyed it. I was a bit worried that it was going to be political but it wasn't at all.

I've also been watching "Carnivale" on TV and I can't believe that there is only one week left to go! I have been completely and utterly addicted for the last five weeks and I haven't missed a single episode. For those of you who haven't seen it - think David Lynch meets Neil Gaiman. It is fantastic - get thee to the video shop.

My new favourite food of the moment is dried figs. There is this strange little shop called "Mick's Nuts" up the road from where I work. It is really small and dodgy looking but they have the most fantastic assortment of delicious things. Yesterday I bought some dried Greek figs and a bag of pistachios and I have nearly eaten it all. They also apparently have the most fantastic fetta stuffed olives so I think that will be my next purchase.

Pain Management Techniques - don't try this at home kids.

For sometime I have been the possessor of a little device called an epilady. For those unfamilar with feminine stuff, this is a hand size, battery operated gizmo that has a rotary action bit that rips the hair right out of your legs. Yes, this does hurt. A lot. Of course, the more you do it, the less it hurts.

It should also be fairly obvious that it is not in my nature to do more than essential. And frankly, smooth legs is a luxury in my books, not a necessity. Anyway, after realising that I could rent my legs out to sand back antique furniture, I decided to re-assess my priorities and so the hair-ripper-outer was pressed into service. As my closest friend from my teenage years, Morrissey, once said "the pain was enough to make a shy, bald buddist reflect and plan a mass murder". Seriously, it felt like leaning up against a particularly malevolent electric fence.

My only conclusion is that one should only do this after a few stiff, bracing vodkas (around six should suffice). Of course you need to find the right balance - too few vodkas and it hurts too much, too many vodkas and you can't even see the leg you are trying to do.