Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Small mercies

You know, Christmas is a dangerous time of year for some of us. Well, for those of us who do not possess an off-button. Thankfully this year I am mercifully free of work related Christmas parties (what with quitting my job and all), so the chances of wanting to die the next morning should be occurring a good deal less often than in years past. So why would I want to die the morning after? Because if anyone is going to get hideously drunk at a work related function it will be me.

Example:
At my last job (actually, the one before last) I attended the Christmas party and accidentally got horribly drunk. My workmate had vowed to stay by my side all night but was called away briefly. Five minutes later, when she returned, I was talking to the Chair of the Board. An Emminent Scientist and Very Important Man. She said it was actually quite amusing in a train wreck kind of way. He was talking to me (more like talking at me) very earnestly (and at great length) about being Catholic because he somehow connected that to my uni studies. I had my face all screwed up and I was doing my very best to understand him, but really, it was no use, I was just too drunk. By the time she realised how bad the situation was and came over to pry me way from him, I raised my head, stood up straight and issued forth my most famous (and loudest) comment to date - "anyone who thinks that is a complete twat". Once again, I am the entertainment.

5 Comments:

Anonymous The Fat Bald Married Guy said...

No no no no. You're looking at that situation all wrong. Being hideously drunk liberated you and paved the way for the truth to be told. Twats need that. The only way I think that could have gone better is maybe if you had also puked on his shoes.

9:02 pm  
Anonymous theruss said...

that's the girl i know

10:43 am  
Anonymous The Twat said...

I am so thankful to you, LG, for saving me from a lifetime of fanatical religious behaviours.

I believe its important that people should always speak their mind.

Because you are normally so supremely shy, perhaps it would be best that you remained hideously drunk at all times. But be aware that bottles with 1mm missing obviously won't have the alcohol factor to keep you at the high point you'll require.

6:01 pm  
Blogger Craig said...

Christmas parties are scary anyway. Even if people are not drunk, things don't turn out well. I have a feeling that once drinking enters the picture you are not the only one embarrassing yourself.

On a slightly different but related note: Shouldn't you move Christmas to July or August down there? It seems so wrong to have it in the middle of Summer. You guys are so strange.

11:23 pm  
Blogger MC Etcher said...

Ha ha! Makes for a good story though.

2:50 am  

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