Monday, December 27, 2004

Morbid Laziest Girl

Here I sit, Christmas is gone and New Years is on the way and anxiety is elbowing its way to the front. So many people seem to hate Christmas with a passion while I remain strangely ambivalent. It's New Years that gets me. It's true. I hate New Years Eve. There, I've said it. But why you ask? It's fun, you say, there is always a party to go, friends to see after the madness that is Christmas ...

No. No. No. Any other night of the year I can go out and have a great time, and find my way home by morning in one piece (more or less). What is it about New Years Eve that casts a pall over the holiday season?? I really don't know. It's like the one night of the year that just sucks the joy right out of me. I become a big negative vacuum killjoy. I don't want to wish people I don't know a Happy New Year. I don't want to kiss people I don't know as the clock strikes 12. Everyone always seems to have more fun than me. It doesn't matter what we do ... we've had parties at home with friends, gone to parties with people we don't know, stayed at friends and had a quiet one, gone to a charity ball frocked up to the nines. And every single year I have hated it.

New Years always seems to make me feel alone - even when I spend the evening with friends that I adore. I just feel out of time with everyone. Like I can feel my mortality creeping up behind me - if I turn around quickly enough, I'll catch a glimpse of the darkness.

Has that just taken the shine of your day? Sorry.


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