Sunday, February 12, 2006

The demon-spawn fake cat

On Friday I looked after my four year old niece for my sister. Now I love her dearly (and she is my goddaughter as well as my niece) but she is hard work. Things were going very well until she started to get a bit tired and whiny. Then we had a slight disagreement about the ice blocks in the freezer. Ok, by a slight disagreement, I probably need to clarify that I mean that I said no, and she sooked and whined about it. For fecks sake, I'm not just being mean, it was 9:30 in the morning folks.

Anyway, her other grandmother lives in Sydney and doesn't see her that often but had sent up some stuff for her. Amongst this pile of loot was a toy cat in a cardboard cat carrier. Not just a stuffed toy cat, but a life like cat that wakes up when you pat it. It blinks it's eyes, it meows and purrs at random. In other words, my niece is now in possession of a cat that looks like it escaped from the pages of an old Stephen King novel. This was compounded when she talk the demon-spawn fake cat to day care and it got all dirty. Honestly, this damn thing like it clawed its way right out of the fecking grave after resurrection.

I kept waiting for it to look right at me, blink slowy and suggest, in a gravelly voice, that perhaps if I skinned a goat and ate a frogs heart while chanting in a graveyard after midnight on a moonless night, that my life would be soooo much more interesting.

7 Comments:

Blogger Craig said...

That's great. Do you have pictures of it?

11:04 am  
Blogger MC Etcher said...

Creepy! I say burn it when she's not looking.

4:01 am  
Blogger Cousin Flora said...

Ha! A friend's daughter has the dog version of this. Even though her is still in pretty pristine condition, it's still pretty spooky. But man, that kid loves that damn dog.

8:32 am  
Blogger twobears said...

I've seen those cats...awful, but you can't help but pat them. I'm with mc etcher...match?

11:12 am  
Blogger Blandwagon said...

The only problem with burning it is that you know, you just know, that as the flames enulf it it will calmly turn to you and purr, "Is that the best you can do?"

11:53 am  
Anonymous Jammin' J said...

I think they're great. I bought one for my neighbour's little girl who looks after our cats when we tour the world. Her mum is allergic to real cats, so she had to make do with the "nearly looks like a real cat" variety.

6:11 pm  
Anonymous Fat Bald Married Guy said...

Borrowing other peoples' kids is the best way to make sure you don't have any of your own.

7:03 pm  

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