Monday, December 05, 2005

Sometimes I wish I wrote restaurant reviews for a living

We went to a terrible restaurant for dinner on Saturday night. So, you ask, what constitutes a terrible restaurant in the Land of Laziest? Well, let me fill you in.

Firstly we nearly died of dehydration whilst waiting for our cocktails to arrive (and, I might add, they had a pathetic cocktail menu - no capiroshkas). They made the drinks and they were sitting on the bar for ages waiting for someone to bring them over but I could practically see the ice melting as they sat there. Eventually, Jammin' J went on a search and retrieve mission to the bar only to be told by the bar guy that she couldn't take them because the waiter would bring them over. When the elusive waiter finally brings them over - we discover that they are not even worth the wait and are, in fact, a pitiful reproduction of the perfect Mojito.

Secondly, there was nothing on the menu that did not contain dead animal in some form or another. I know I'm fussy but it's not that hard to have a least one vegetarian meal is it? In the end I got a plate of grilled vegetables drowning in olive oil that cost $35 bucks. Have these people not heard of a balanced meal? Or is this some new kind of fancy protein-free diet? My only consolation at this point was that at least I won't get scurvy.

And thirdly, when we got the bill, not only did they overcharge us for our drinks (and then proceeded to argue with Jammin' J when she asked for the bill to be corrected), but they charged us for a meal that didn't even arrive.

I know I have high expectations, but it had to be the most apalling dining experience I have had in a very long time.


Blogger Craig said...

You have something against dead animals? Have you undergone a conversion recently? It seems odd for the girl whose profile states that she loves butter chicken and IIRC has claimed in the past that she always orders salmon at every restaurant.

Were you just trying to cause trouble?

12:51 pm  
Anonymous Jammin' J said...

No, she wasn't trying to cause trouble. It truly was incredibly bizarre.

I have never been to a restaurant of that price level before where half the wait staff is rushing around in a panic, smashing trolleys into the back of my chair and half is walking around like zombies on downers. We literally gave up on ordering any more drinks after the first hour because the 30 minute wait was unbearable. Not to mention the 90 minute wait for the mains.

And just to fill you in, Laziest will eat fish, but the only fish on the menu was John Dory, which is not one that she enjoys. And she will eat chicken, but the only chicken on the menu was wrapped in ham.

1:34 pm  
Blogger Craig said...

Now, I'm even more confused. The only fish available had a first and last name? That's much more acquainted with a meal than I ever want to be.

Is having Jammin' J (née GTO) answer comments going to be a new feature on the site?

2:07 pm  
Blogger Laziest Girl said...

I like it when Jammin' J does the answers for me - it means I can leave my brain switched off just for that little bit longer.

2:26 pm  
Anonymous Jammin' J said...

I'm not as quick witted as you lot, so I'll only respond on the rare occasion that I am brave enough to.

5:01 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmm Chicken, Butter, vegies, booze, fish and long term friends (optionally rapt in Ham - I suppose it depends on your fettish) .... the perfect combination.

Yes, the restaurant was a bit poor becuase of the service. (I reckon the next option is the Woodchoppers Inn which never disappoints.)

8:59 pm  

Post a Comment

<< Home