Wednesday, April 20, 2005

feel the pain

I think I'm having a mid-life crisis. Early. I can't think of any other explanation. Today I realised that I am not getting any younger. Awww, don't beat around the bush - say it - today I realised that I AM GETTING OLDER. AHHHHHHHHH.

I know, I know, this seems weird to me as well. I mean, you don't get to 32 (and a half) without actually getting older, but today, I couldn't hide it from myself anymore. Why this was such a shock, I'm not sure. I mean, I don't actually want to be 22 again. 22 sucked. I don't want to go there again. But being grown up is sucking too at the moment.

When do you actually start to feel grown up? When you buy your first handbag that can fit more than a mobile phone and coin purse? When you have a mortgage? When you have dependants (furry or human)? When wear sensible shoes to to work instead of that gorgeous pair that become instruments of torture when you walk?

I don't think I'm ready to be grown up. But I don't think I have any choice. I don't fit in my old box any more. I've outgrown it.

Maybe that's all this is - a moment of doubt. A moment of panic. Maybe that's not my mortality that I just glimpsed out of the corner of my eye, maybe it is just my imagination. Maybe I just need a nice cup of tea. Oh God. It's too late isn't it? I'm already a grown up.


Blogger Ali said...

Bollocks to that - slip some vodka into it! Do not go gently into that good night!

Did you actually read the Da Vinci code? I couldn't bring myself to if I tried. Loved Pi. What did you think of the Shipping News?

9:26 pm  
Blogger L said...

I am still freaking out over being 32 myself. Found a grey hair the other day too :(

1:53 pm  
Blogger Craig said...

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9:17 pm  

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