Thursday, August 04, 2005

A serious film review by LG (not)

We went to the double feature at the Globe on Tuesday night - and I have to say - I was impressed. Not only did we get to see the 1984 classic "Breakin'" but we were also treated to a most bizarre not-actually-a-Jet Li film - "Riki-Oh".

In case you don't remember 1984 very clearly, "Breakin'" is like stepping through a time warp. Think leg warmers, think lycra, think pink and blue eyeshadow, think hats, think bad graffiti, think earrings in only one ear. But most of all, think Street Dancers. Scum that they are. Corrupting the classically trained dancer, Kelly, and getting her to enter street dancing competitions.

And if that is not bad enough, the street dancers then enter a classical dancing competition and win with their sheer talent and audaciousness. That's fresh, you know? And the names, oh the names. We had Turbo and Ozone and then, to keep up, Kelly changes her name to Special K. We spotted Jean-Claude Van Damme in one of the crowd scenes and a very young Ice-T as the MC at the 'dance-off'.

Anyway, my crew (Jammin' J, Vicki Vertigo, Tricky Si, Cherry Popin' D and Andre Arkansas) loved this film. It was all we could do to hold Andre back from doing a "Windmill" demonstration in the foyer and we have all vowed to practice our Moonwalking.

The second film, Riki-Oh, is in a class of its own (and not even listed on imdb!). Someone like Jet Li (but not actually Jet Li) stars as a misunderstood man thrown into a futuristic and privately owned jail. He apparently has superhuman strength which we learnt from watching a flashback in which Riki talks to his uncle who asks "do you still have the superhuman strength that you had as a boy?".

Anyway, in this futuristic jail (which looks the same as a regular jail except that the inmates are able to open their own cells when a fight starts) the inmate are not allowed to see or speak to the Warden, or the Assistant Warden, or, presumably, the Assistant Assistant Warden. There are four gang leaders who are in charge of discipline in each of the four cell blocks. Of course Riki-Oh runs foul of one of the leaders within the first 2 1/2 seconds.

But, using his superhuman strength, Riki-Oh doesn't just win fights, he physically destroys his opponents. Cue punch bad guy in stomach, ooops, fist passes right through bad guy. Punch bad guy in face, ooops, half his jaws is smashed to pieces. The best bit, in my opinion, is when Riki gets his arm nearly severed and he reattaches the tendons midway through the fight by holding one end in his teeth and tying it to the other end.

Although I think a notable mention needs to go to the Warden, who, at the end, inexplicably turns into an incredible hulk type, and can only be stopped when Riki puts him through the mincing machine. Gore, much?

So, all in all, another excellent evening.


Blogger Blandwagon said...

Why are there no double features at Globes in my neck of the woods? WHY? WHY?

(exeunt, weeping)

11:32 am  
Blogger L said...

Riki-Oh is my favorite kung fu movie of all time (next to Master of the Flying Guillotine, of course).

the first time I saw it, I was shrieking and laughing at the same time. ran out to buy it, and now I've forced all my friends to watch it...

10:09 am  
Blogger L said...

p.s. it wasn't Jet Li though, it was some guy named Wong or Wang or something :)

10:15 am  
Blogger Laziest Girl said...

Thanks for the heads up L. Post duly corrected.

8:47 am  

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