Thursday, March 24, 2005

Oral fixation or wish fulfilment or self-destruction?

I have a recurring dream that is quite odd. Every few months I dream that I am smoking a cigarette while standing at the window. It is incredibly vivid. I'm inside the bedroom, leaning against the window frame and looking out at the back garden but not really seeing it.

I'm holding the cigarette between my horizontal index finger and my middle finger with my palm turned towards my face. I slowly lift the cigarette to my lips. I can feel I can feel the butt of the cigarette pressed against my bottom lip and I slowly inhale. I can feel the smoke being drawn down my throat and into my lungs where I hold it for a few seconds. Then I slowly exhale. I'm feeling very calm and relaxed and the cigarette doesn't have an acrid, smokey taste at all. It's like inhaling vanilla and caramel.

Apparently it is really common for ex-smokers to dream about smoking but I don't really consider myself an ex-smoker. I have been known to share a cigarette after a few drinks but that happens pretty rarely. I used to smoke at school (didn't we all?) but I haven't bought a packet of cigarettes in about 10 years. I was never very good at smoking anyway, what with having asthma and all - a cigarette in one hand and a ventolin puffer in the other has never been a good look. I think we mainly smoked because we weren't allowed to, not because we actually wanted to, afterall, it's pretty revolting.

It seems strange that I derive such pleasure from smoking in my dreams. Freud would say I have an oral fixation and that it is all about wish fulfilment. Jung would probably say that the cigarette is actually my destructive self trying to sabotage my healthy self.

But who can tell? Surely this level of introspection can't be healthy.


Blogger portuguesa nova said...

Wow. So interesting. I'd never heard about the smoking dream thing happening to ex-smokers. I'll never be able to quit!

11:02 pm  

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